I've only ever broken up with one person, and this summer I realized that I wasn't ready to be with somebody when I couldn't get myself together. Between the spring play, band, chorus, and just trying to graduate and get into college, I couldn't give him all of me like he deserved. He was comin on so strong, I wasn't ready. This summer I got my life back, and I realized that I couldn't appreciate him as much as he needed me to at the time.. but I realized that I wanted him back and that I was ready. I tried relentlessly this summer and just before school, but all my efforts ended just when I thought I had won him back when news that he had a girlfriend was slipped. We remained friends and we were still close for a week or so until we just got busy. I started college, and he started football. Occassionally I would text him and ask him to drop by, or just to say hello. They always were unreplied, and this cut me deeply. I gave up. For a few months there was no contact, he was with somebody, and I was starting my life and meeting new people. Then today I got a text.

I had asked him if he wanted to stop by yesterday, figured I'd try just out of the blue, but naturally he was busy. Then, just on my way out the door he texts me, and when I didn't answer fast enough he called me and asked if he could swing by. Lets just say that I didn't make it to my meeting on time. I ran out of the door and hugged him, I was all smiles for the hour we just sat on my couch and talked. Eventually his mom called and asked him to pick some things up at the store. To my suprise, he asked if I wanted to go. I didn't even hesitate when I said Yes :]. He's still with this girl, she even called him when we were in the store.. but he says that she's real overprotective, and I can't see him liking that much. Apparently she wants to beat me up. Some people are so silly. But really, part of him likes the fact that she's over protective because someone actually likes him. I liked him this summer. I guess I just really realized that even though I thought I had messed up completely and that everything was over, he still has the ability to make me forget everyone and everything else. He's completely socially outlandish, and he's always crakin a joke or just being crazy. I like that about him. He's like me.

And now he just left and I'm sitting here and I'm feeling like someone just gave me an item I've always kept close, and taken it away again. I didn't realize how much I was alive when I was with him..and now that he's gone on his way I can feel the energy just drain right off of me. I could love him and treat him right if he'd let me.

I don't know if he could let me in again..